Gloomy

I'm having trouble with reaching 100% capacity for my photos. It happened once before but I just deleted lots of photos! I downloaded photobucket earlier to have a go with that- but it keeps getting an error message importing photos from my facebook page. So not entirely sure why and need to look at that when I haven't got a screaming banshee howling in my ear. Em is not a happy bunny at the moment. We've ordered a sims 3 game for Christmas and she's stalking the postman. I ordered a duplicate game which hasn't helped matters much.

Amy has taken an interest in baking- and plans to make biscuits or cakes every week with Emma. It's the first time she's EVER shown an interest in involving Emma with everything- so needs encouraging. SHe's bought the entire bakery aisle in Tescos and has emptied one of my cupboards to fill with baking things. Last night she had a go at her first mince pies

It's been a much better day today than yesterday. Yesterday we had gales and one of the fence panels is down - so we can't let Holly out unaccompanied- and she's not keen on being observed!! Mum had to rescue some gnomes that fell off one of the stalls in the christmas market- and the stall holder didn't even say thanks!

It has been lovely borrowing a company car for the last few weeks. Not exactly sure why Guy has it- but it is nice and cosy on winter mornings. Last night it had to stay at work because someone needed to use it for company business. That's the way they use their company cars- the senior management have company cars- but if it's needed for company business whoever needs it takes the car. Anyway this morning it was really frosty and I was yearning for those heated car seats (how quickly you can get used to luxury)! We were in our (much older) car - and we were able to see the silver lining- as it has a heated front windscreen and it cleared much quicker than the newer one. So ready to go a lot quicker!!!!!!! Guy does like our car- although it's old it's a high end of it's year and lovely to drive. He keeps criticising little things about the newer posher car- as if to justify us having an older car!!!!!

Free Choice

One of Emma's countdown calendars- it's getting closer today so it doesn't seem so strange to be having to talk about it every morning. We have it every day for a few months. She's also keen to remind us what 'traditions' we've got to make sure are ready. She wants the same people to visit and the same food to be served. We have to drive the same route- EVERYTHING has to be the same!

I was really pleased with myself yesterday. My mum has wanted a Christmas tree that's like a proper 'branch' tree - with little petal lights on. We've seen them on sale for over 100 pound at the cheapest. I had a sale leaflet with a 6ft one for sale for 27 pound. We always try to buy something as a thank you for having us over Christmas- and I'm hoping this will be a nice version of what she wants.

My book club had a lovely selection of Christmassy books- so I'm all ready to get into the festive spirit now.

Playful

There could only be one subject for playful. I did try to get her playing- but she was just a whirl flying past. Amy and I went christmas shopping this morning round the cheapy shops for filler ideas. We bought Holly a few new toys- unfortunately she was in the car when we met Guy and she KNEW that there were new toys. If bombs were made of dog toy material - Holly would be their 'ACE' dog. She'd smell it a mile off. So she had her face between the seats from the boot area looking all excited. Then she pranced down the garden path and up to the kitchen counters. So she had to have one of her new toys. Normally I try to buy her stuff when I meet my mum and she takes it back to her house. Holly goes totally bananas over a new toy smell. One year she opened ALL the presents under the tree looking to see if any of the others were ineresting or edible. She is like a bottle of pop over Christmas and holidays. She gets so excited. I did a pet scrapbook challenge where you had to put what your pets theme tune would be. Hers would be 'Don't stop me now because I'm having such a good time'- with the line I'm about to explode!

 

The only way I could get her photo was to ask her to go to her bed. We have finally got Holly back to normal after the fireworks- although she's still not happy to go outside. The other day the refuse collectors were throwing the bin bags in peoples front gardens and as soon as she heard those landing we had to head back home.

 

This is the first time I've remembered to take the fence in the daylight. The fuschia is still flowering like mad. It's been out almost constantly this year.

 

Books- I tend to use my kindle most of the time now. But Costco had a lovely Christnas collection that is being split up to go with people's pressies this year. Holly always buys everyone a book for Christmas- so 3 of us will be having one of these!

I found some really cute little christmas tins in Home Bargains today- they were less than 50p. They only had 3- but I thought I could make a little winter survival tin- with lipsil, tissues- and then drawing a blank- but looking for a jokey sort of idea! Then I decided they would look cute on the table as the table pressies. We usually make something to hold xmas chocs and a lottery ticket for my mum. So I am now on the lookout for more. It's the first time I've ever been in there. We got matching baubles- which we will fill with choccies.

I went looking for stocking filler pressie ideas for my mum and managed to get bags of stuff without much for her!!!

Uplifting

 

 I met my mum today and we had a wander around the German Christmas market. I love walking around before it gets too busy. We had lunch- fried mushrooms and potato with garlic sauce. Absolutely delicious!

It feels uplifting when the market arrives- everyone is happy, it's really pretty and it means that Christmas is on it's way.

All I bought today though- was my own present off my mum and dad. I bought a big bottle of my favourite perfume from Boots. They had a promotion on for 12 pound of points if you spent 50 pound. So I am building up my points to get another bottle of perfume. When the girls were little we used to buy all the toiletries and things from Boots and every year I'd have a bottle of perfume with my points!! I haven't had my perfume for a while- using cheaper options. A few weeks ago I tried the tester bottle and that was fatal because I had to have a bottle then! So I didn't manage to buy anyone elses present! I did buy a couple of stocking fillers for everyone.

Nostalgia

A great theme for us today- we actually managed to get to the open day of Guy's grandma's old house. It was wonderful to walk around and see what the new owners had done and what they'd changed and what had remained the same. Most of the inside of the house was visually stunning. Whether we'd have chosen what they'd chosen is a different matter. They had tartan carpet on the sweeping staircase- which didn't give the old house feel. The new bathroom was gorgeous. THe cellar looked like an old fashioned pub- it had working beer pumps and lots of 'drinking' displays, a snooker table and a snug area. It would be perfect in a small hotel. Not something I'd have chosen for me- but obviously the owners taste- even the log cabin had a billiard table in it. Guy was walking round- and a couple of elderly gentlemen were there to look at the architects work. One lived in another house by the architect and the other had travelled quite a distance just to see his work. One of the gentleman used to go to Guy's grandpa as his gp 50 years ago!

This really is my 'dream' home and a trip of great nostalgia for Guy today. This is the back view of the house and I remember sitting out here when visiting Grandma in the summer.

They have done a huge raised decking area outside the back of the house which I actually think takes away part of the garden's charm. We said that if we ever won the lottery that the decking would be removed- apart from maybe the one side. They had one area with picnic benches, comfy garden chairs, benches etc- which I would maybe keep!!!!!! But the more formal area has a covered table to eat outside and then a vast area of unused decking- that used to be gently sloping, tiered garden slopes with weathered stone steps.

This is the log cabin which will be my craft room!!!!!!!!! Lottery win permitting tonight!

 

Cellar- as the games room/bar/snug

 

One of the ensuites.

\The coach house.

 

Anyway- that was our trip down memory lane today. Guy's mum and his sister also managed to get over there before the viewing ended and thought exactly the same about the new decking area!

 

My other photo is suitable for thoughtful. We also went to view a college today. When I spoke to the dean I got a very positive feel about the place- even though it is currently subscribed and has a waiting list. She told me that they were looking at opening another placement. The college was dreamed and put into being by 2 parents who wanted a suitable place for their children. As such it is not a council run college. It is based in a rennovated farm house and if I could have pictured somewhere perfect in my mind for Emma to go- this is it. It's in a rural setting - the college is opposite fields with horses in. The staff were all pleasant and eager to speak to us. We were encouraged to see the young adults there- even the ones with 'challenging' behaviour- so we could judge whether this would be a fit for Emma. They also keep them until they are 25- which is unfortunately part of the problem. Once they get a place they aren't going to give it up. They only have 24 students.

 

She told us honestly that there probably wasn't much chance of us getting a place there- but we put her on their waiting list. If the new building is up and running by September Emma is no 8 on the waiting list- and as such would be guaranteed a place there. But she also told me if it was her child- she wouldn't keep her at home waiting for this placement to be available. But if she's in another place she'd be less likely to get a place here. We have to put it as first choice even though there is a chance we won't get a place. It is exactly what I want for Emma. It's given me a lot to think about- especially about the fight we'll have ahead to put Emma's case that she needs such a placement and about whether I keep her out of education until this place becomes available- or run the risk we settle for second best and then can't get her moved.!

 

 

 

Guy even knew one of the teaching assistants - he used to belong to the swimming club Amy swam at. He's always said that if he could think of anyone perfect for this work it would be this lad.

 

We now need to think of the best way to ensure that we get this place for Emma. It might even be against the connexions ladies advice. I've got to go and see the other specialist colleges and the other 'mainstream' colleges with units- just so I have seen and made a decision on them all.

 

Guy and I had a lovely evening out last night aswell. We went to an Italian restaurant called Pinnochio with a Groupon voucher and the food was delicious. I wasn't very adventurous but so glad I had my choices- stuffed mushrooms and lasagne. The lasagne was like nothing I'd ever tasted before! We finished off the evening by going to see the new James Bond film- Skyfall. I'm not a particular James Bond fan- but did really enjoy this one.

 

 

Refreshing

 

We don't normally have Tropicana- but it is really lovely and refreshing to drink in the morning.

This was my initial thought today- and had to go and buy them just for the photo!!!! But it can also serve for Memories. They used to be my favourite childhood sweets and I've seen a lovely yellow mug that might have to come and join us at Christmas.

I've got to go back into work again tomorrow to take MORE tests and get signed off on opening accounts again. I haven't been paid for any of the overtime I've done recently- but making sure I claim anything else I do. They only pay us until 3.30 and I wasn't out until nearly 4 this Saturday. I need them to decide what they want to do with my contract. I was told I hadn't worked enough hours last year- which is why I haven't claimed even though they wrote it off. My sales targets go up if I claim overtime aswell- even if I was training and not on the counter! They changed the contract I initially agreed and the hours on the new contract are almost impossible to figure out. My new boss thought I was entitled to MORE holiday than I've claimed before because of my length of service

I spoke to the specialist college this afternoon and have an appointment on Wednesday. It sounds perfect for Emma- unfortunately the intake they tookin Sept are at full capacity until they leave in 3 years. So it's probably unlikely that they actually will place her. But they also are looking at getting a new venue- so I think I need to go and get my heart set on it and then hope it works out. I have phoned round a few more colleges to go and see them. I need one with a smaller campus that provides more supported learning. It is still churning me up inside. It's like filling out the disability forms again. The lady was asking about her behaviour and I was there making excuses and she said that if we get a social worker referral I have to again put a worse case scenario before them in order that the LEA will provide enough funding to pay for the extra hours. They only provide a certain amount of hours.

The funding for disability and education is a joke. If all the families coping with a disabled child decided that they just could not cope and that child had to be placed into residential care- it would cost an absolute fortune- but they don't put any funding into helping those families cope with sometimes very stressful situations. I really do not know what will happen with Emma if we don't find the right placement. I asked the connexions adviser today- and she said it would be possible for me to pull Emma out and then look at supported training venues.

But talking to the lady at this college- she was interested in Emma's disability and said she would be reassessed and there are devices that could be purchased for her- that would speak for her. I have bashed my head repeatedly against a brick wall to get Emma further speech therapy provision where she is- but because she is selective mute they refuse to provide further support. A speech and language therapist is supposed to provide communication support aswell- it is SOOOO frustrating to know that she needs more help but they won't fund it. I fought to get her more speech therapy- the provision is rubbish. The education pay for speech therapy provision- but that doesn't cover sickness cover. So if a speech therapist goes off sick or has a baby- there is no cover. Emma had a brilliant speech therapist at primary school- but she had 3 babies in 3 1/2 years- so she wasn't actually in school for that long with her maternity leave. I know it's wrong- but every time I got to see her and I could see she was having another little baby I'd be disappointed- rather than really happy for her!!!!!

But it just goes to show that if you happen to be in the right place at the right time- the support IS out there. You just need to know who you have to fight to get it. It really upsets me that in one short conversation with the college head/dean- I've learnt more about what Emma should have had been entitled to as a right as I have trying to sort it out from within the confines of a 'special school'. I feel like I've let Emma down.

Ponder

Emma is Christmas obsessed. She always has been (probably gets it from her mum). We were lucky that we got to keep the 'magic' of christmas alive for a lot longer than many children. Even when dh decided that it was time for her to know- she still refused to completely give up her belief!!! She's autistic- so routines are important to her. So Christmas Eve has to follow a set routine- we have to eat exactly the same things, hopefully have the same people over to visit, drive the same route over to my parents where we have to have a Chinese meal and a carrot cake from Costco.

This morning when we were getting her magazines they had the xmassy chocolates on offer- so I had to get some to help Santa along. I was pondering on the change in Christmasses when they were tiny. I remember Emma opening her stocking and carrying a tiny pair of socks around with her. We bought loads of pretty and cute things- but the socks were what caught her attention. Another year Amy wanted a yoyo for Christmas. That's ALL she asked for and even the department Santa said he was sure we could get something a bit bigger for her! It was the yoyo that she carried round with her.

I've been buying some stocking fillers as I go along- and thought I'd use it as the photo of the day as I'd just bought the choccies. It's interesting to see how the items change as they get older. Now we have to get things that they will use or need- because they think stockings are a bit childish. But Emma still sees that as a highlight. I also saw it as a highlight when Santa delivered a stocking for Guy and I a few yea- the thrill of opening one was STILL there. It's now a new tradition that everyone receives one and the fun is in getting things that they will use mixed with some fresh Christmas magic.

It's only 46 sleeps now- we've been on Christmas countdown since September with Emma. The first thing we used to do with a new calendar was add the counted back days from Christmas- so that we'd be able to answer her. She has a countdown ornament permanently in her room- it can only cope from 99 days though!

I'm off to Costco for lunch in a moment- and will enjoy looking at all their goodies afterwards!